Letters to a Hypothetical Girl

Dear Hypothetical Girl,
I think it’s wrong to reuse pet names or to name a pet after a famous animal of the same type. This means I’ve wasted a lot of good names on one cat. He’s been Ozzie, Buzz, Pukka, Pooka, Baby Boy, and Sockyfoots. I’ll never be able to use any of those names for future pets! This also means I can never have a fish named Cleo, which is obviously the perfect name for a fish.

It’s a little sad,
~C!

Dear Hypothetical Girl,
I really like grocery shopping with friends. I think it’s because I enjoy being obnoxious in public. So I’ll do things like yell across aisles asking if we need tampons, or drop a bear-hug’s worth of cereal into our cart, or start ridiculous conversations at the checkout to see the cashier’s reaction. Nothing destructive, just stuff to make the workers’ day fun, if only for a moment.

~C!

Dear Hypothetical Girl,
Sometimes I lose things, then find them, but then lose something else. This time I lost my Poké-Walker in James Ham’s car. Then I couldn’t find my DS games, but they were under the couch in the living room. Then my TV remote was missing, but it turned up under a pile of clothes. I’m afraid to even think about what could be missing now. It could be a whole person. Or worse… half a person.

D:
~C!

So after falling asleep 3 posts into it, and then hanging out with my bff’s Kris and Dave— we went to a Chinese buffet, Barnes & Noble and to see The Darkest Hour—I’ve finished reformatting and labeling all the Hypothetical Girl letters! Yay Me! I did not, however, edit the posts by Greg (Mr. Pharisee) because those aren’t mine. So I guess you’ll just have to deal with those not fitting the format.

Sorry :/,
~C!

Just a heads up to the 3 of you that read these things:

I’m cleaning everything up around here. And I don’t mean that as in “I’m deleting posts,” I mean it as in “I’m going back to every post and making sure it’s tagged correctly, adding in “, 2011” to post from 2011, and making sure grammar spelling and all that good stuff is correct.” So yeah… just stupid stuff no one but me cares about.

Here’s to a new year!
~C!

PS: Other than this post script, that whole thing was actually under 420 characters and I didn’t even do it on purpose! ^_^ So it could actually qualify as a legit post or something… I don’t know. I just thought it was a fun fact. *shrug*

Dear Hypothetical Girl,
Sometimes out of frustration or as a “pressure release,” I make noises similar to a Predator. Like after staring into the fridge for 10 minutes looking for something to eat, but there’s nothing I want, or after I really good stretch, I’ll just sort of purr and click. I don’t know when it started, but I’ve been noticing it more and more lately. Maybe I have to kill Carl Weathers.

I hope not…
~C!

Dear Hypothetical Girl,
It’s hard for me to fall asleep if my legs aren’t moving. I have to sort of run in place while lying down, or rub my feet together otherwise I can’t fall asleep. And, if there’s not someone else in bed with me, I have to smoosh myself against a wall, if I even sleep in a bed. I guess I’m just that much of a cuddler, that if there are no cuddles, I can’t sleep.

I also enjoy bedtime stories,
~C!

Gotten a new piercing.
Dyed my hair.
Started a new relationship.
Been in a relationship for a year or longer.
Ended a relationship.
Gone out of my way to avoid an ex-boy/girlfriend.
Been on a long a car journey.
Passed an exam.
Met someone who’s now an important part of my life.
Cried on someone’s shoulder.
Had a massive fight with a boy/girlfriend.
Received flowers.
Had a Valentine.
Written a letter using pen and paper.
Gone to see a therapist.
Been prescribed medication by a doctor.
Read a really good book.
Gone to the zoo.
Spent too much money on unnecessary things.
Traveled by train.
Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
Spent a day out in the sun getting a tan.
Slammed a door out of frustration.
Had an anxiety attack.
Babysat for a friend’s child.
Had a BBQ.
Gone to the fair.
Gone bowling.
Seen a film at the cinema in 3D.
Gone on a date.
Been the only sober one on a night out.
Helped someone home after they had been drinking.
Stayed up all night.
Talked on the phone for over two hours.
Supported someone who’d received bad news.
Watched some kind of live sporting event.
Read an entire book in one day.
Bought a DVD the day it was released.
Eaten McDonald’s more than four times in a single week.
Cried as a result of exam stress.
Met some incredible new people.
Gone to several great parties.
Fallen backwards off a chair.
Broken my glasses.
Worn a watch for the first time in years.
Cried over someone in my past.
Spent hours aimlessly browsing the internet.
Thrown up.
Cried over a film.
Fought with someone in public.

Dear Hypothetical Girl,
I’m sorry if that last letter worried you. If you didn’t already know, I haven’t died. When I get sick, even just a cold, I lose every ounce of manliness I possess. I whine and complain about the tiniest things, and I lie in bed for days under big comfy blankets and try to get everybody else to do things for me. It’s very unbecoming, but it just happens, and I can’t help it.

Again, I’m sorry,
~C!